May 31, 2009 in columns
By MARY ANN “MANJA” BAYANG
We have committed the Golden Rule to memory; let us now commit it to life. — Edwin Markham
Think win/win which is habit 4, is the habit of effective interpersonal leadership. Win/Win is not a technique; it is a total philosophy of human interaction. In fact, it is one of six paradigms of interaction. The alternative paradigms are Win/Lose, Lose/Win, Lose/Lose, Win and Win/Win or No Deal. Habit 4 and onwards discuss how we relate with other people.
Habit 1, 2 and 3 discussed how we relate with our own self.
Win/Win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win/win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying. With a Win/Win solution, all parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan. Win/Win sees life as a cooperative, not a competitive arena.
Most people tend to think in terms of dichotomies: strong or weak, hardball or softball, win or lose. But that kind of thinking is fundamentally flawed. It is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person’s success is not achieved at the expense of exclusion of the success of others. Win/Win is not your way or my way; it is a better way, a higher way.
Win/Lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get their way. Most people have been deeply scripted in the Win/Lose mentality since birth.
Lose/Win is worse than Win/Lose because it has no standards-no demands, no expectations, no vision. People who think Lose/Win are usually quick to please or appease. They seek strength from popularity or acceptance. They have little courage to express their own feelings and convictions and are easily intimidated by the ego strength of others. The problem is that Lose/Win people bury a lot of feelings and these feelings come forth later in uglier ways. People who are constantly repressing, not transcending feelings towards a higher meaning find it affects the quality of their self-esteem and eventually the quality of their relationships with others.
When two Win/Lose people get together – that is, when two determined, stubborn, ego-invested individuals interact- the result will be Lose/Lose. Both will lose. Both will become vindictive and want to “get back” or “get even,” blind to the fact that murder is suicide, that revenge is a two-edged sword.
On one hand, people with the Win mentality do not necessarily want someone else to lose. That is irrelevant. What matters is that they get what they want.
Win/Win or No Deal basically means that if we cannot find a solution that will benefit us both, we agree to disagree agreeably – No Deal.
So which of these options is best? Most situations, in fact, are part of an interdependent reality and then Win/Win is really the only viable alternative. In the long run, if it is not win for both of us, we both lose. That is why Win/Win is the only real alternative in inter-dependent realities.
Win/Win involves the exercise of each of the unique human endowments – self-awareness, imagination, conscience and independent will – in our relationships with others. It involves mutual learning, mutual influence, mutual benefits. Character is the foundation Win/Win, and everything else builds on that foundation. There are three character traits essential to the Win/Win paradigm. They are integrity, maturity and abundance mentality.
In the Win/win agreement, the following five elements are made explicit – identifying desired results, specifying guidelines to accomplish the results, identifying resources to accomplish results, setting up accountability and specifying consequences. Win/Win is embodied in agreements that effectively clarify and manage expectations as well as accomplishment. It thrives in supportive systems.# nordis.net